分节阅读 Table of contents

• 1.Introduction from the Author

  • Wouldn't it be fantastic if you could simply wave a magic wand at kids to get them to do everything you ask? Unfortunately, there is no magic in the world, but after listening to this book, you will totally change the way of parenting. All right, let's get started.
    
    Let's start introducing the author Alicia Eaton. In the introduction, she described herself as "wasn't the perfect mother by any stretch of the imagination, but I did love my children." She was a Montessori Teacher when her child was born. (Montessori education is a very well known educational approach developed by Italian physician and educator Maria Montessori) Later, she opened her own school, her two year-old daughter became the very first pupil. However, life doesn't always run smoothly. A few years later, her ex-husband left and she was propelled into the life as a single parent with three of the most energetic and exhausting kids. Simple things like shopping became her nightmare. She had no nanny and grandparents or relatives close-by to help out. Like most parents, she resorted to shouting and yelling at my children. However, when she was trained as a Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Practitioner. Everything started to change. She recalled that the training taught her all about the "Language of Persuasion" – which words work and which ones not to bother using. Then, she quickly learned how to slip a little "hypnotic influence" into general conversation and noticed how much it became easier asking kids to do things. Consequently, her children stopped bickering and they became good friends. Now, she'd like to share her experience and to see other parents have the same positive experience as she did.
    
    "Children hypnotize their parents all the time! Why else would find yourself purchasing the toys, sweets and treats that you told your child in no uncertain terms, you’d not be buying?"
    
    "The difference between older and younger generations is most adults realize anxiety, frustration and other feelings are unreasonable and common-sense can then prevail. Children's minds are not usually developed enough to differentiate between reality and fantasy so they need extra help to overcome their worries."
    
    "The best way to introduce new parenting routines and rules is at a Family Conference or Meeting. It's also an opportunity to reflect on what works well around the home and what needs adjusting, with a perhaps a few extra rules and new boundaries thrown in."

• 2.Honey, I Hypnotized the Kids

  • "Have you ever hypnotized your own children?" I've been asked the same question for years when people know that I am a Clinical Hypnotherapist. My answer is "Yes, I did." Don't be afraid, because you, as an average parent, also have hypnotized your kids! Your words are constantly being absorbed by your child's subconscious mind and have a profound effect on their thinking, their feelings and their behavior. As the matter of fact -- it's hypnosis!
    
    The subconscious mind is actually more like the motor or engine that drives you. Having been programmed from childhood by your environment and the experiences you've had, it stores all your habits and behaviors and acts. For example, a baby was transferred from the UK to Japan within a few short years; he can quickly become fluent in both English and Japanese with no trace of an accent. He adapted to the environment.
    
    Child's subconscious mind is pretty much empty to begin with and gradually gets programmed with all the experiences their environment gives them. In other words, you, as the parent, are programming that mind with all the things that you say and do. So this is your opportunity to create the magic. Remember, YOU are creating your child’s future, right now.

• 3.Words In Action

  • Language is a powerful tool but only if used correctly. In this chapter, I will show you a sort of parenting approaches and strategies to persuade and influence your children.
    
    Always say DO and CAN do, try to avoid DON'T and CANNOT.
    
    As we think and speak, our minds are constantly creating images or pictures. They flash through our minds really quickly, so we often don't notice them. Now, let's play an exercise and you will see what I mean. Close your eyes and picture the details in your mind to answer my questions. What did you eat for dinner last night? Where would you like to go on holiday next year? Next step, you need to NOT think of what I will ask you to do: A piece of chocolate cake. Hmm, did your brain just reflect a piece of chocolate cake with a cherry on the top? It explains how our mind works. Sometimes, a young child being told: "Don't touch the vase!" Invariably, the next thing they'll do is exactly that. How to fix it? Instead of using "don't," "no," "not," or "never," we can say, "Let's leave the vase alone." Simple. If you want a child to do something, you need to flip your sentences around into positive terms, staying away from any negative words. Remember, human beings are driven by the images created in their minds.
    
    Also, be careful when you and your child always use "cannot." The word "can't" is used too often in conversations and shuts out the possibility of achievement. In order to get your child out of this habit, you'd better highlight that thing that can and do change. When your child says, "I can't do math!" You can turn it into, "Ah, you just haven't yet found a way to do that particular exercise." Helping shift your child's mindset to a more open one of possibilities will make your life and theirs a little easier.

• 4.Build A Positive Thinking

  • Negative thinking is a bad habit that many children (even adult) slip into. Because of the competition in school, single child family environment and a lack of interactive with the society, children are easy to develop a negative thinking. In order to shape children's mind into positive thinking, you can help your child get in the habit of looking for solutions with a positive spin. For example, if your child says: "there won't be anyone at my new school who likes me." It may seem tempting to reply with: "Don't be so silly, of course there will." But it's better to give a fuller, more considered answer with a positive outlook. "I completely understand why you're worried that you won't make any new friends, but the advantage of going to a bigger school is that there will be many more children to choose from than there ever were at your junior school. So, the chances of meeting new friends you will get along with are actually very high."
    
    Besides change the approach of conversation, you can also get children participating daily exercise to build a positive thinking pattern. Here introducing an exercise both for you and your children.
    
    Step 1: Encourage your child to start keeping a journal or diary. They can use a physical notebook to record events, or they can use their smart phones or tablet device for the same purpose. They can call their journal anything they like: Happiness Diary, Sunshine book… etc.
    
    Step 2: Ask your child to write down three positive things that happened in their day. These can be quite simple things to begin with. For example: we had pizza for lunch and it’s my favorite; the math teacher forgot to set homework for us; it was a sunny day today and we played outside.
    
    Step 3: Repeat this on a daily basis. Keep this up for at least one month and ideally allow it to become a natural part of your family life.
    
    If your child is reluctant to physically sit down and do this on a daily basis, introduce this technique conversationally, either in the car on the way home from school, or as you're sitting round the dinner table, or in the evenings at bath-time. Once you've got this going in the right direction, you'll quickly see how it becomes a natural part of your child's thinking.

• 5.Leave The TV Alone

  • It's a question that has sparked a debate among modern parents: how much should you allow your children to use screens? Daily life includes an increasing number of screens, whether it is TV, smartphones or tablets. If your child gets half the chance, they'll be glued to those screens most of the time. But how to avoid your child get too much exposure to screens? The answer is, in fact, quite simple: have a clear set of rules. 
    
    Some families choose to set rules according to strict time limits, for example, just two hours screen time a day. However, you're storing up a problem for the future. As technology advances, more and more of your child's education is going to take place on a screen. Also, I'm of the opinion that the more something is forbidden, the more desirable it becomes. Your children will admire their friends who are allowed unlimited use of their devices. In their minds, you'll be the mean, miserable parent! Inevitably, this soured relationship will badly influence your family life.
    
    Rule No.1: Get your child into the "real" and "interactive" world.
    
    Just because your toddler knows how to use their fingers to scroll through your smart phone does not make them a genius and should be permanently glued to it. At this tender age, your child's brain is developing and human beings are programmed to adapt to their environment. They need to interact with the real world and not the virtual world. What they see, hear, taste, touch and smell is all valuable information that programs their minds. Do not worry that other people's children get all the screen time they desire. It's not a competition and your child will not get left behind. Let them develop their intellect first by interacting with their environment. Trust me; your child will be smarter, the longer you keep them away from devices.
    
    Rule No.2: Adopt the same rules to all family members. For example, if a family rule means no mobiles at the dinner table, it should be applied to everyone. Don't tell your child to set his phone aside, while you are scrolling through yours checking text messages.
    
    Rule No.3: No screens in the bedroom. This is seriously bad for children's health if they keep the devices beside the bed and stare at them before sleeping. It makes harder to fall asleep and interferes with melatonin production – the hormone that induces sleepiness. For example, studies show much of childhood obesity could be down to lack of sleep.
    
    Rule No.4: Stay well connected with each other. Less screen time means more time for family. You must take initiative to set up regular Family Conference or Meeting to get your children engaged. It is hard in the beginning to break the ice and start the conversation and keep talking all the time. But once your children feel more comfortable and confident speaking in a group of people, they will feel easy to be connected. Remember, kids are programmed to learn by copying the behaviors of those around them.
    
    Rule No.5: Ensure your child has plenty of hobbies that take them away from the screen. Kids need a balance in their lives. Could you choose a hobby for the whole family to get involved with? Maybe you can organize more outdoor activities. Studies show that kids who spend more time outdoors in nature are not only calmer and happier, but also have improved sleep patterns and perform better at school. Choose outdoor activities for the whole family such as riding bikes and having picnics in the park.

• 6.Visualizing Your Success

  • Currently, the competition in school is no less than it is in the workplace. Parents desperately want their children to be NO.1 and always worry about this. However, children cannot fully understand parents' anxiety, because, unlike adults, children are lack of mature mind to motivate themselves.
    
    So, how to lead children to generate motivation by themselves? Remember, seeing is believing. If your child can create a very clear picture in their mind of what it is they want to achieve, they'll find themselves more motivated each morning. Let's start an exercise. You will need to encourage your children to practice this technique every day:
    
    Step 1. Close your eyes and allow yourself to imagine it is August. It's a hot, sunny day and you've arrived at school to collect your exam results. Are you alone in this image, or with someone else? Notice as many of the details as you can, even the clothes that you're wearing.
    
    Step 2. Imagine you have a remote control in your hand and can make alterations to this picture: turn the colors up brighter, bolder and stronger.
    
    Step 3. Now, imagine you're walking into the school hall and are being handed a brown envelope. It is your exam results. Feel yourself opening the envelope, reading the piece of paper and seeing the grades you've wanted very badly.
    
    How would it feel when you could see exactly the results you'd been hoping for? Really enjoy this image. Notice the expression on your face -- the smile that tells you all is what you want.

• 7.Top Effective Phases

  • After introducing strategies, approaches and experiments to connect with and persuade your children, you need some hands-on practices to start this magic journey. Here are top effective phases for getting children to listen.
    
    First of all, "hurry up and get dressed for school" doesn't spur your child on. Pose questions such as, "Which T-shirt will you be wearing this morning, the blue one or the red?" or, "Which will you put on first, the trousers or the T-shirt?"
    
    Secondly, talk as if it's a given that your child will do what you ask. Car sales people often use this pattern, they say, "when we've been out for a test drive, we'll come back and you can choose a color scheme for the interior." You may not have even been asked whether you would like to take a test drive. You're being gently pushed along the sales process. You can also apply this approach when talking with children. Parents are suggested to use the phase such as “when you've tidied your room, we'll have some lunch."
    
    Third, say "thank you" before, rather than after. This often works well because children naturally want to please people, especially their parents. Next time you ask your children to wash their hands and come to the table, quickly follow it up with a "thank you." Once they've been thanked, they feel obligated to perform the task.
    
    Fourth, create a linguistic connection between you and your child. Parents should put themselves into children's place with the phrase such as "I, like you, realize you have lots of choices in front of you" or "You, like me, realize how much easier it is to do homework with a tidy desk."
    
    Fifth, front-load your sentences. Front-loading your sentences with phrases, such as "think about it" and "listen", sends a powerful suggestion to your child to do just that. Try creating motivation by saying, "think about it. How good will it feel once you've finished your homework?"
    
    A Final Note
    
    Hope you've enjoyed learning about all the different ways of making parenting children less stressful and more interesting. As you were reading this book, you have become more open to the idea of making changes and in fact, your subconscious mind is working on new ideas. So remember to write them down and create your unique magical toolkit. It's not easy to be perfect parents and parents get frustrated with our children sometimes. But after all the storms, we still deeply enjoy lots of laughter and happiness in our family life.
    

关于本书 About the book

Wouldn't it be fantastic if you could simply wave a magic wand at kids to get them to do as you'd asked, first time around? Just imagine a life where you could put an end to: - Embarrassing supermarket tantrums - Sibling fights that drive you mad - Endless arguments about mobile phones and screen time - Mealtime nightmares with fussy eating and junk food cravings Sounds too good to be true? Well, it's easier to achieve than you think! In this book, Harley Street Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner and parenting expert Alicia Eaton, shares the secret to using the "Language of Persuasion and Influence". TV advertisers, politicians and salespeople use it to 'persuade' us to do things all the time and now, you can discover how and why certain words work and others most definitely don't.

本书金句 Key insights

● Children hypnotize their parents all the time! Why else would find yourself purchasing the toys, sweets and treats that you told your child in no uncertain terms, you'd not be buying?

● The difference between older and younger generations is most adults realize anxiety, frustration and other feelings are unreasonable and common-sense can then prevail. Children's minds are not usually developed enough to differentiate between reality and fantasy so they need extra help to overcome their worries.

● The best way to introduce new parenting routines and rules is at a Family Conference or Meeting. It's also an opportunity to reflect on what works well around the home and what needs adjusting, with a perhaps a few extra rules and new boundaries thrown in.