分节阅读 Table of contents

• 1.Introduction

  • Stephanie Parker and Dominic Parker, known as “the posh couple from Gogglebox”, are the stars of Channel 4's Gogglebox.The eccentric but light-hearted couple is always seen with an alcoholic drink in-hand. They are usually joined on the sofa by their dachshund Gigi.
    
    Beside filming the show, the couple published this book, Steph&Dom’s Guide To Life, which contains their unique take on how to get the most out of pretty much everything in life. Through the medium of hilarity, they’ll show you everything from how to make an Irish coffee without having a mental breakdown to learning how you and your partner can grow young together and endure more fun than you ever thought possible.
    
    So now sit back, pour yourself a drink and let us bring you to the couple’s maverick life.

• 2.How to get everything out of your relationship

  • Steph reveals the secret of retaining a good relationship at the beginning of the book. She said, “the secret to a good relationship is this: be two very different people . . . with a lot in common. There’s nothing worse than seeing couples who have morphed into each other, with the same stooped gait. Start like that and you’ll end up even looking like each other. Seriously, it happens!  You need two different people in a relationship, two people who absolutely adore each other and make each other bloody laugh.” Following the point, she lists some occasions and strategies of implementing this secret.
    
    ● BE ALL OF YOURSELVES 
    In an intimate relationship there are always two personalities. All too often, however, these two personalities will decide which is the stronger of the two. The stronger will then hog most of the relationship, in the same way the big wheel on a penny-farthing hogs most of the bike. The person considered to have the lesser personality would then receive the consolation prize of being the tiny wheel at the back. Actually, a good relationship involves two equally sized personalities and both of you should get to be all of yourselves. A relationship is not a competition where there is an outright winner. Let your personalities be as massive as they actually are.
    
    ● DRASTIC HAIRCUTS
    Don’t underestimate the power of your haircut. It is advisable that any changes in your hairstyle that you wish to undertake should be discussed with your partner beforehand. Failing to do so will cause them to sulk for roughly a year. There is no known excuse for skipping a partner consultation prior to getting short hair.
    
    ● FLOWERS
    Many people believe that any aspect of a relationship can be improved by the giving of flowers. In fact the giving of flowers actually causes more problems than it solves. The moment the intended recipient sees their partner advancing with finely wrapped blooms they will immediately think, ‘OH GOD, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE?!’
    
    ● ROMANCE ON A BUDGET
    You do not really need money to be romantic. In fact some of the most romantic memories are often a result of ‘making do’ and being as adventurous as you both can be with whatever given situation. Romance requires a concept, a location, an instance of planning and simplicity. So, finding you’ve missed the train, then choosing to stay on the beach with fish and chips and wine, would fit the bill brilliantly.

• 3.How to avoid embarrassing situations

  • Dom admits that the current society is much more complicated than ever thanks to social media. In this chapter, Dom shares all his and Steph’s experience and offers you a way to avoid and recover from finding yourself in any of the many forms of modern social duress.
    
    ● DIVERT EMBARRASSMENT TOWARDS YOURSELF
    The best way to overcome any embarrassing situation is to instantly magnify it by broadcasting it at the highest level. This will turn the incident into a celebration and people will think you are very funny as a bonus. For instance, if you turn up to a sixties theme party and suddenly realize the combination of your wafty blouse, feathers and thick black eyeliner have given you more of a buccaneer look than that of a bohemian flower child, simply stand proudly in the center of the room where all can see you and confidently say, “I look like bloody Jack Sparrow, don’t I?”
    
    ● FORGETTING NAMES
    Providing you don’t click your fingers absently at the person whose name you have forgotten at precisely the point when you are saying their name, there is nothing wrong with forgetting someone else’s name. Forgetting your own name is a different matter, however; if you are doing that, you need to slow down. If, though, you remain mortified at the prospect of forgetting a name – e.g. if you have to introduce them – an effective method is to say to them, “I am so sorry, I have forgotten your name.” Then when they say ‘Janet’ you reply, “No, I know that, I meant your surname.” This throws a bit of a curve ball, allowing you to stealth-grab their name. Try and remember when you have used this ploy and on whom as this method only works once.
    
    ● HOW NOT TO BE BORING
    Almost all of people find their own lives fascinating.  However, not everyone wants to know it all. In order to keep other people’s interest in you at a maximum during the conversation, here are some things to avoid:
    
    1. Don’t brag about property, possessions, or how much things cost.
    
    2. Don’t tell people how you travelled to the place you are at.
    
    3. It is fine to talk about your children. They are important to you. Just do it in short bursts and try and sift for the most interesting things that have happened to them recently.
    
    4. Make sure most of your anecdotes don’t involve you winning at something. People are much more interested in things you have severely messed up. If you are the hero all the time people will be bored.

• 4.How to make the most out of your downtime

  • In the past, Steph and Dom used to spend a bit of time discussing what to do with their downtime. It turns out the conversation during their downtime is just a waste of time. Why not do something else to spin the mood? In this chapter, Steph and Dom will show you how they adjust themselves during downtime. As a bonus to cheer you up, you will have instructions to make a Long Island Iced Tea at home!
    
    ● ART GALLERIES
    While visiting these institutions is never a guarantee of a good time, they can often be inspiring and interesting as long as you have some degree of knowledge or interest.  Gallery buildings are usually tall and artistic.  Allow yourself to be submersed in the beauty of art and not think of the messy things outside of the gallery.
    
    ● DANCING
    Steph and Dom had experience, having spent four days learning a rudimentary jive on their wedding day, that the best type of dancing is the unrehearsed type. The adage ‘Dance like nobody is watching’ may seem like quite sage advice but it is only partially true. In fact, you should dance like nobody is watching your body but everyone is watching your face, because people do have a habit of looking at dancers’ expression. Keeping a smiling face can cheer yourself up.
    
    ● LONG ISLAND ICED TEA
    This is the superhero of alcoholic beverages. Long Island Iced Tea is strong, multi-faceted and a master of disguise; one or two of these and you will believe a man can fly. You can have a little one when you’re trying to block out the messy world. It is also an extremely good honeymoon drink so if you’re on honeymoon reading this, get to the nearest beach bar and get involved!
    
    ● NOTHING DAYS 
    Arguably the most important days of the year, nothing days are those in which you, by choice, pursue nothing whatsoever. Factoring in a nothing day is easily the quickest and most effective way to recharge your batteries. If you are suffering in downtime, why not arrange yourself with several nothing days to recharge yourself? The following activities are permissible on a nothing day: sleep, bathroom visitation, having a sausage in a bun, and some time on the Internet, but not too much.

• 5.How to survive one’s loved ones

  • The old adage “you can’t choose your family” may indeed be true, but you can choose whether or not to add to it. Of course you’ll fall in love with your children and wherever they are. Friends on the other hand are a right pain. Friends are like cocktails actually. Each is a unique concoction made in a certain way; but you cannot have too many of them. In this chapter, Dom will analyze the ways of keeping relationships with friends and family members in different scenarios.
    
    ● ARGUING WITH MINORS
    The act of arguing with minors is the art of debating with junior members of the family until they no longer pose a threat to your status. The outcome of this event depends upon the age of whom you are rowing with. Generally, anywhere up to the age of four is considered safe ground and provided you are fairly articulate you should win most arguments at this level. From the age of five onwards, however, you are most likely to be labeled as “mean parent” and suffer a “monopoly”. For this reason Dom recommends you do not argue with minors.
    
    ● BESPOKE FAMILY TRADITIONS
    Try to have a few of these if you do not already. They should be upbeat and easy to carry out. For instance, the giving of a  wrapped potato every Christmas can be deeply amusing, particularly if you forget it is going to happen each year.
    
    ● FAMILY GATHERINGS
    Family gatherings (e.g. gatherings that involve members of both sides of a married couple’s family) are important for two reasons. The first is that these help cultivate lasting bonds between both houses, which will enrich family life in the bigger picture. The second is because everyone is in the same room together; you get to keep an eye on them. Since families differ in so many ways, organizing gatherings can be unnerving. For example, it may become woefully apparent that your family is not as big as your partner’s and that the voice of your people is drowned out in the crowd of your partner’s people. If, however, the individuals from either side eventually discover things they have in common with each other, this will eventually unite the families.
    
    ● GOOD CONVERSATION
    There are of course no rules for ensuring conversation is good, since good conversation by its very nature must be spontaneous. If we were all following a set of rules things would get dull very quickly. You need some ingredients for a good chat. And they are as follows: Ingredients for a good conversation
    
    A sense of brevity
    The need to surprise
    Wine (optional)
    One or more other people to talk to (optional)
    A place where you can talk comfortably unhindered
    
    The environment for a good conversation is important. Make sure you are somewhere you can speak freely and be heard without offending anyone nearby.

• 6.How to celebrate big days and holidays

  • Every Christmas, Dom likes to dust off his best hat which is actually his grandfather’s hat. It is a bloody stove-pipe hat and very very heavy. But Dom still wears it every year, not only because it is easy to spot in a crowd, but also, in Dom’s mind, this is the symbol of holiday. In this chapter, Dom will show you their family traditions celebrating festival and give you some tips and advice on how to make the most of your holiday. Dress up everyone! You only have several big days in a year.
    
    ● BEST WAY TO LEAVE A PARTY
    By far the best way to leave a party is to simply slip away unannounced. And by ‘slip away unannounced’ it means “leave without alerting anybody”. This does not work for small dinner parties! 
    
    ● BIRTHDAYS
    Couples often have great hope for birthdays and go out of their way to make the day special. Of course they tend to be slightly disappointing the older you get but they’re still worth going a bit mad for. Steph recommends you upgrade as many aspects of your partner’s big day as possible. Breakfast, for example, would be in bed or go for a fancy brunch if you always have breakfast at home. They would feel special by upgrading every little thing in that big day. Also, don’t forget to express yourself. If you love them, tell them regularly. Not once a year during Valentine’s Day or their birthday.
    
    ● THE PERFECT HOLIDAY
    Dom thinks the key ingredients for a good holiday are: privacy, agreeable food, sunshine and a butler. For this reason the couple recommends The Maldives since a trip there boasts all of the above. A butler on holiday may sound like an extravagance, but they come with the booking. Besides, it is like having room service from someone who will soon become your friend. Tip them only once at the end of the holiday but tip them well. It is entirely acceptable to cry when saying goodbye to your butler. 
    
    ● THE PERFECT WEDDING
    Many people look back to previous weddings to try and fabricate the perfect wedding of their own. They are looking in the wrong direction. The perfect wedding consists of two people clearly right for each other, so it does not matter what happens during the day. A good couple who can look to the future together is what the day is all about. If that is in place, then the day cannot be ruined, even if it rains heavily.

• 7.How to survive the bind of employment and self-improvement

  • As you all know, there are pretty few adults working in the job they told everyone they wanted to do when they grew up. Even though people are not currently pursuing their dream job, they still get up in the early morning and work hard. In this chapter, Dom will talk with you about work and the things people may love and hate at the same time. As Dom recalls, “When I was growing up I wanted to be a lawyer, mainly so I could make pleas for ridiculous sentences, ‘eight weeks of community service dressed as a chicken!’ Then I saw all the books you had to read and thought there is no way I’m doing that!” Even though he is not in his dream job now, Dom is happy for what he is currently doing and he is doing pretty well. Regardless of what profession or level of your current profession you wish to work at, it’s usually a good idea to try to be good at it.
    
    ● ASKING FOR A RAISE
    The best way to do this is to make yourself indispensable. Find some way of getting your boss hooked on the Class A work you do. Perhaps give them their first few hits free. Soon they will need more and more of you. That’s when you ask them for a pay-raise. When asking for a pay-raise, always be courteous and calm. Expect the answer to be no, but don’t show this. Thank them at the end of it either way.
    
    ● HATING YOUR JOB
    While having a happy life is certainly difficult when you hate your job, it is not impossible. If you’re able to switch off completely when your job finishes, there’s a good chance the relative peace and distraction of not being there will actually make you so happy. However, if you are brooding about work outside of your hours, you are effectively not stopping working, which makes your pay rate a lot lower than it should be.
    
    Being a perfect employee in the workplace is hard for everyone. There is a saying, “Fake it until you make”, that best illustrates the attitude people should have towards daily work. You may have too much workload, but fake that you are intelligent enough to handle it. If it’s your first time managing people, fake that you have experience being a boss. No one is born to do something, but you will be the best as long as you put your heart into it and work smartly. Best luck! Smart people!

关于本书 About the book

Hi, Steph and Dom here ... Yes that's right, the posh couple from Gogglebox. We're here to tell you about this nifty little book we've done. In handy reference form the book contains our unique take on how to get the most out of pretty much everything life throws at you. Now before you think to yourself 'doesn't a book have to be more than one page long to actually be a book?' we'd like to reassure you we've learnt loads actually! Admittedly we've learnt most of it by accident ... but the point is, we would like to share it with you! Through the medium of hilarity we'll show you everything from how to make an Irish coffee without having a mental breakdown to learning how you and your partner can grow young together and endure more fun than you ever thought possible. Anyway, it's a bloody useful little thing with all the wisdom we've collected over the years - so sit back, pour yourself a drink and let us be your booze consultants, your style gurus, your pub lunch professionals and your maverick marriage counsellors. Chin chin x

本书金句 Key insights

● The secret to a good relationship is this: be two very different people … with a lot in common.

● You should never judge a man by his house or his car.